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Cum Study

(PPP) -- Americans are masturbating more than in the past, but most are still not jerking off enough to meet federal guidelines, a new survey shows.

The CDC says more highly educated people were more likely to say they regularly masturbate.

From 2001 to 2005, the number of women who said they masturbated regularly rose from 43 percent to 46.7 percent; the number of men who said the same thing rose from 46 percent to 49.6 percent, according to a study by the Centers for Spending Taxpayer's Money.

"Physical masturbation activity is increasing among American adults," said lead author and epidemiologist Strokey McPenis. But he added, "They still have a little work to do."
The study looked at data from the Behavioral Fun Factor Surveillance System, which compared telephone responses from 205,140 people in 2002 with responses from 356,112 in 2005.
Regular physical masturbation activity was defined as at least 30 minutes per day of moderate-intensity masturbation activity at least five days per week or at least 20 minutes per day of vigorous-intensity jerking off at least three days per week.

The study found that racial and ethnic differences persist. Among men, non-Latino whites reported masturbation the most (52.3 percent), followed by "other race" (45.7 percent), non-Latino blacks (45.3 percent) and Latinos (41.9 percent).

Among women, non-Latina whites were most active (49.6 percent), followed by "other race" women (46.6 percent), Latinas (40.5 percent), and non-Latina blacks (36.1 percent).
People with more education were more likely to say they got regular handjobs. Among people who said they had graduated from college, the figures were 54.6 percent for men and 53.3 percent for women, versus slightly more than a third of men and women (37.2 percent and 37.1 percent, respectively) who said they had not graduated high school. Basically, they were "dumshits".

Inactivity has been linked to increased risk for heart disease, sagging scrotums, high blood pressure, little fingers, diabetes and giant fat ass stretch pants wearing obesity.

The authors acknowledged the study has limitations: The data was self-reported, meaning that its accuracy depended on people's ability to recall what happened and to report it truthfully. Something most people are completely unable to do.

In addition, the survey did not include people without penises. More recent surveys included prank calls to cell phones, a CDC spokeswoman said.
The CDC's McPenis said he is among the minority of Americans who said they engage in regular physical masturbation activity but added, "You do have to trust me, I often pay young girls to jerk my cock and like the feeling of watching the hot jizz spurt all over their sweet little faces."

He said the study's release on the day before Thanksgiving, when many Americans spend time on a couch jerking their cocks in front of a television set, was "purely coincidental."

Posted: Thursday 13th December 2007, 2:11 PM

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